GIVE Skill

The GIVE skill is especially important for maintaining healthy relationships through effective communications.

(be) Gentle

Be nice and respectful. Avoid attacks (verbal or physical), threats, and manipulation. Avoid harassment of any kind. Express anger directly with words. Avoid using threating statements, for example; “I’ll kill myself if you…” Describe painful consequences for not getting what you want, but describe them calmly and without exaggerating. Stay in the discussion even if it gets painful. Exit gracefully. Avoid judging, moralizing, and blaming. Avoid smirking, eye rolling, sucking teeth, and interrupting the other.

(act) Interested

Listen and appear interested in the other person. Listen to the other person’s point of view. Face the person; maintain eye contact; lean toward the person rather than away. Don’t interrupt or talk over the person. Be sensitive to the person’s wish to have the discussion at a later time. Be patient.

Validate

Show that you understand the other person’s feelings and thoughts about the situation. See the world from the other person’s point of view, and then say or act on what you see. “I realize this is hard for you, and “I see that you are busy. Go to a private place when the person is uncomfortable talking in public.

(use an) Easy manner

Use a little humor. Smile. Ease the person along. Be light-hearted. Sweet-talk. Use a “soft sell” over a “hard sell.” Be “political.” Leave your attitude at the door.